Hammer-philia

Since I've been on the "dating scene", I've had exactly two different guys boast about a house in the Hamptons. Through a strange turn of events, it just so happens that both guys--different as they were--bragged about the very same house.

Last fall, I dated the Architect, a nice and cute architect from Long Island. I met him from the Internet. (Pictured left). I didn't really like him, though, and it all ended pretty badly when my feelings for the Wizard and Timesy got mixed up with my relationship with the Arch. See here for a back-story.

Why am I bringing this up now? The Arch had a sketchy uncle, who "had a house in the Hamptons." We went there once, and it was fun, but it wasn't affiliated with all the glamour that everyone had imbued it with. There were a bunch of boarders renting rooms in the house, and it was still just a family house, with lots and lots of random people in it. We had a nice weekend, and I managed to avoid smarmy Uncle Jerry the whole weekend. As my relationship with Arch continued, I realized that Uncle Jerry shared his little 2-bedroom apartment in the East Village, too. Like I said, Uncle Jerry was a character to be avoided.

Showing up to Friday's awful Mini-man birthday gig, who is the first person that Mini introduces me to? Why, it's Uncle Jerry, who's "like an uncle" to the Mini-man.

I said, "I know Uncle Jerry."
Mini: "How do you know him? You should meet him because he has a great..."
Me, interrupting: "House in the Hamptons?"
Mini: "You've been there?"
Me: "Yes, I dated Arch, his nephew."
Mini: "Oh... then that means we can never date!"
Me, internally: "Phew!"

After a bit of investigating, I find that Mini and Uncle Jerry have been friends for 10 tens, they've traveled to Club Med together, and apparently they shared a proclivity for Russian escorts.











As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I got out of Mini-man's birthday party as quickly as I could. I then rushed to write to the Arch about the irony of seeing his uncle at the party. Arch wrote back that he "couldn't believe that I would make out with the Mini-man, who is 50years old!" (Can you believe that he's really 50? I can't...) ANyway, I quickly had to restore the historical record, and tell Arch that I did not make out with Mini! THat I never made out with Mini!!!

I did as much, and then found out that Mini had told Uncle Jerry who told Arch that I was "aggressive" and made out with the Mini-man. Pretty disgusting, and it would anger me, if I actually cared enough. I just wrote Mini an email asking him to please stop telling people we made out. And he wrote back saying "Hope you are having a great day. WOuld you like to get together? PS: Sorry if I hurt you in any way."

You know what I did with that email? I deleted it! Down with Mini-man, down with the house in the Hamptons, and down with Uncle Jerry!