Hammer-philia

Suitors have been my answer to anxiety for as long as I can remember. If I can change that paradigm, and make something else my anxiety venue then perhaps I will really be able to relax a bit and find a guy that i really care about. There has been such *urgency* to my need for men. and such *problems* surrounding each and every little *minutia*.

Sublimation means channeling your libidinal energies into other projects. In an ideal world, this is what I do. If my life was some kind of movie-made journey, where each person had a little lesson to learn at the end of a few months, then my little challenge would be to really adjust to being suitorless for awhile. I could be like the Reese Witherspoon character on Pleasantville. While her nerdier brother needs to go out and learn to be *more* social, Reese stays home and reads a book... simple and nice. She declines going out.

It's sometimes hard in New York, especially in my neighborhood... I hear so much action outside my window at night.... and last night I stayed in. Just me, alone, watching a movie and ordering sushi. It wasn't all that bad, at least not until the girl in Single White Female turned into a murderer. Then, admittedly, I did get anxious. But not for too long before I crashed into bed!

So, now you know...