Hammer-philia

Does anybody know where he is? He's been sorely missed.

To continue my story, briefly-- i got home to Phoenix at 2 am. I received several Wizard texts saying that he is paranoid and didn't believe my suitcase when he saw it. Then I wrote to him again to say "thanks for being so selfish. My trip was horrible."
Wouldn't it have been a nice thing to get "how was your trip sweetheart?" instead of "Where are you? YOu cut me off. I didn't believe the suitcase in your living room." In response to my "you're selfish" message, I got a litany of insults. "you are stupid, nasty, selfish..." etc. (I care not to remember.) Ever since he was dropped from Graduate School and since he moved from his apartment, he has felt incredibly insecure. He's taking it out on me! Making me into some hate-harboring bitch. And constantly accusing and more and more. It cuts into my ego, it deflates me, it gives me so much anxiety. I CANNOT STAND TO BE TREATED THAT WAY ANY MORE, no matter how nice and sweet and loving and worshipping he is at other times. Those nice behaviors cannot excuse the mean ones. I have seen this and suffered from it for over a year.

He can be a truly awful person. The more I call him on this very specific thing that I don't like, the worse he gets. He tries to turn it onto me, he tries to justify his behavior, he says that i have "done way worse than words" with him.

Let me give an example text exchange, that happened two days ago. I had come back from the trip (witha 5-hour delay) and still hadn't seen the Wizard, although we had spoken a few times. I was nice on the last conversation, but I still harbored so much resentment



I am sad because I miss him and yet there is nothing I can do.

Basically I decided it was time to set *true* limits on the guy. As in, if you insult me or if you make up another conspiracy, I will not talk to you.

ME: "This week's endless barrage of insulrs and accusations from you has taken its toll on me. Don't talk to me again until you are ready to grow up and take responsibiltiy for this shit"

HIM: WHAT?? you are fighting an imaginary war. didn't we already converse well today at some length?? i have done nothing except receive your distance and anger and sarcasm.
HIM: "I haven't even see u. u don't begin to care either. move on then if you must but spare me your misplaced bite."

ME: "YOu were nice to me before the oral. Now you're imposing your anxiety onto me again. I have been nice with you because I love you. But I can't take your insults.

HIM: How disappointingly cliched is your thinking here. Let alone unfair, because if anything i've been carying my weight very well.

ME: "Except in regards to me"

HIM: Words like you love me don't match your actions.

ME: "I've been acting distant because you drove me away with mean insults and ever-increasing accusations."

HIM: You are full of BS on this one. Just wrong and craven. you don't need lies to leave someone.

ME: "I'm not engaging in your conspiracies."

HIM: Bye. have a meeting. go ahead and dwell on your war.

So as you can see, he will not validate the way I feel. He will not believe me when I tell him my feelings.
Yesterday was really hard. I wrote more texts, and I finished with one saying that I remain on standby and open and receptive to him when he is ready to come to me again. This created a huge backlash of further insults in the space of about 5 more unprovoked texts. I was proud of myself, that I deleted them without reading.
I don't want to hear from him with more insults, with more analysis, with more conspiracies about the way I feel. He is supposed to be one of the closest people in my life, yet he treats me worse than anyone could ask to be treated.

Now because I won't talk to him, he has brought Hyde into the game. He's texting her more than usual, and asking to watch 24 with her. I feel sorry for her because this puts her into a bind. It also hurts me greatly that he would put *me* in such a position.

Disclaimer: I do feel totally bad for him that he was dropped from Grad School after flunking his oral exams two times. This in itself though, is not a reason for me to ignore him or turn away! On the contrary! I became closer, I invited him over more, I sent him apartment ads, I spent more time, I told him how talented he is. HOWEVER--- I cannot control his lashing-outs. And I cannot stand his insults. These behaviors seem to come with his anxiety. He is paranoid that I won't like him anymore, so he tells me "You don't like me anymore."

I am at a loss. This whole thing with Hyde has made me feel even more alone. I don't want her to succumb to pity or obligation with him because she has no obligations to him. I want her to align with me but ultimately it's her decision.