Hammer-philia

This conversation happened a few weeks ago, via one of the Websites where you meet people.


Guy: [Sends "wink" or "hello."]
Me, writing back: So, how did you find me?
Guy: Either the Internet, or fate.
pick one.
Also, I was wondering whether you would like to be my date to the prom, er, med school formal thingy at the Roosevelt hotel.
game?
Me:When? And what exactly is it?
Guy: It's at the Roosevelt hotel. 9-12 pm, Friday 12/2.
Me: what do i wear?
Guy: Whatever you want. I'm sure you look absolutely stunning in anything you choose. Perhaps a better question is what do I wear? Do you prefer black? or gray pinstripe?

If you are in town this weekend, perhaps we could meet to, you know, make up stories about how we meet and other scandalous thing.

----Next part of story----
We email a bit on thanksgiving, and then he immediately starts saying words like "clitoris" before even asking my name. He tells me he's a sex writer and studying to be a psychiatrist. Then he says "I need your email. I want you to read something I wrote."

So he emails me the following document, read at your own risk:

When you hold a woman's legs apart and use your tongue and talents correctly, you may become a VERY popular lover indeed. Songs may be written about you. Statues erected of your likeness. College dorms named after you. At the very least, you'll have a few lonely nights. As one of the very hot ladies on 'Sex And The City' once said, "If a man could do that well, he doesnt need to do anything else." How true it is.
Now, for those who dont know a vulva from a Volvo, or a clitoral hood from a car hood, lets start with a quick and simple anatomy lesson, so we're all on the same page when it comes to descriptions. The entire outside of the vagina is called the Vulva. The large, soft outside lips are the labia majora, while the inside, thinner and more delicate lips are called the labia minora. High up top, is the clitoral hood, which when lifted reveals the clitoris itself, which can actually swell and become somewhat erect when stimulated. the small opening right below the clit is the urethra, where urine emits. And the larger opening below the urethra of course, is the vagina. Please say you got all that? good, lets get to it.

Time for the Do's and Dont's.
Do understand, please, that every person on the planet is different. One woman's honey may be another's poison, or something like that. Instructions are fine but we're not assembling a bicycle here. There's more than one way to do it. As they say, communication is they key. If she likes what you're doing, or even loves it, keep it up. if she doesnt like your technique, all is lost. Just dial it down a notch, perhaps begin with the basics as i will explain them.
Don’t rush to the vagina as soon as you're both aroused enough to undress. Take your time, impatient one, it will be worth the wait and increases her arousal tenfold. Start with her neck and shoulders. Caress, kiss and lick your way down her chest, lingering on her breasts. I CANNOT overstate how sensitive a woman's nipples are. When you circle around her aureoles with your lips or fingers, then lighty [or not so lightly, depending on her] squeeze her nipples, she'll likely feel the vibration right down to her buzzing pussy. Not too long on her nipples, though- she may get sensitive quickly and you dont want to make her squirm- yet. Kiss the soft insides of her thighs, her calves, even her feet. by the time you get down to the vagina itself, she should be primed and aching for your tongue.
Do take your time and by all means, enjoy yourself down there. It's what you've been dreaming about, right? Savor the moment. Kiss it, caress it, rub your thumbs all over the soft folds of beautiful flesh. Are you getting the picture? This is no time to rush, youre not eating a ice cream cone. it's not going to melt. Be slow and thorough. Trust me, she'll appreciate it.
Dont go right for the kill and start off by licking her clit. most guys are results oriented and want to make her cum fast. But it's not all about the orgasm, it's about the journey. So slow down. Lick her outside and inside pussy lips first, with broad, flat strokes of your tongue. Lick around the inside of her vagina and if you like, use your stiffened tongue like a mini penis, sticking it in and out of the hole. Now, with all this prep work [if you would like to consider this work ;)] is done, move your tongue up to her clit and even when you get there, toy with it. [This is a great time to practice writing out your ABCs with your tongue. it covers all areas of her clit] Lick the clit in circles, lick over the top, around the bottom- all before you really get down the business, which is sucking her clit into your mouth and licking it fast with the tip of your tongue until she cums.
Dont neglect her nipples either. With your tongue on her clit, reach up, over, whatever and gently hold her breasts. As she gets closer, circle her aureoles lightly, as i mentioned earlier. But this time, her as breathing and body language announce her impending orgasm, squeeze her nipples. Some ladies will even save you the trouble and do it themselves....hehehe They know the extra stimulation will break the bank, sending them crashing into climax at warp speed.
Her moans and cries will prove me right.
Do try different positions! They keep things from getting stale as a result of repetition. If you, as a lover, always keep her guessing whats next, whats new and different, you'll always be at the top of her "To Do" list. She'll always look forward to the get togethers with you.
When she's about to cum, you know you're doing the right thing. So don’t change your approach just as she's gonna blow. This is CRUCIAL. If you're sucking on her clit and she's squirming and shaking, her breath coming in gasps, do’nt suddenly switch to licking her clit with broad strokes. You'll kill the flow. If she's just about there, just keep doing what you're doing until she cums.
Above all, Do go for it! If you remember just one thing, it's to lick, fondle and suck your way to her heart.. or just to an orgasm if it's only a one time thing. There's not down side to giving her oral sex. no taboo, no mystery, just expressing how you feel about each other. So go for it.

I immediately start asking him who this is for, and where it's published, because obviously it's for guys, not girls, to learn how to give oral sex. He claims it's for his guy friends. I think he uses it to pick up girls and get them immediately horny. The best part is, with the article is a photo of him! Here it is:


hahahah! Ok, so he's hot! But what's up with the splashy water and the show-offy ness of that? Why do I feel like I'm looking at gay porn? And what's going on with his facial expression?

Anyway, he would probably be a hot guy, and he might just completley turn me on if I went to bed with him. But I felt like if I agreed to go to the prom thingy, then i would be agreeing also to sleep with him. Internet dates are fine, but I would like to think that the guy wants to know my name, and his horniness isn't so desperate that he's begging for sex the second he writes me. A date's a date. The rest is all speculation.

Thought this was entertaining!